When a child is concerned its parents are its ultimate role model, they are the caretakers, guardians, and creators. The child very much depends on the parent behavior, and the way how the parent behaves determines the psyche of the child. The child manifests its needs by telling to the parent when is hungry, or when something is wrong with it, and then it either shouts or cries. However, you as a parent need to detect the needs of your child in order to act accordingly. We are all humans and we make mistakes, yet we need to acknowledge our mistakes and correct them.
Here below we are presenting you the common phrases that many parents use when they speak to their children.
“Big girls/boys do not get scared”
By saying this in fact you are pushing them to reject their true feelings. Experiencing fear is not a bad thing, but it actually warns them to be more cautious in certain situations. Advise them not to run away from the fear, but to approach it and try to learn from it. Likewise, explain to them that it is ok to be scared because it is a normal reaction which everyone feels from time to time. Always encourage them not to be scared of any situation in life as they will do the right thing because they are your heroes.
“Stop crying right now”
Every child cries when he or she does something wrong, sometimes children cry even when there is no reason for it, but that is the way how they act and express their feelings. Therefore, do not scold them immediately as they will stop this natural process and suppress their emotions. In this case, hug your child and tell that it is wrong what it did, but it is a good thing to express his or hers feelings.
This may be the worst sentence coming from you as a parent, especially knowing the fact that you are for your child its ultimate mental figure which eagerly waits for your approval. This reaction will put your child to situations always to seek and ask for an approval from the outside world. In this way you are leading it to believe that he or she has no one to rely on. Therefore, instead of saying this horrible sentence, you can say the following sentences:
“It is not your day, but you will do better the next time”, “you can do better” or “nobody is perfect”.
”I’m disappointed in you”
This line is usually used by many parents when the child already feels bad. You cannot say this to your child no matter if you are feeling disappointed in everything in this world, as your child is the only person of whom you should not be disappointed of. You are the one that leads him/her through life and showing him/her the right path. When it does something wrong, explain to it that what he did is wrong and give all the bad reasons, always guide it through this difficult process.
“You’re not (something) enough”
By using this line you are giving the child a restricted image of itself implying that it does not have in itself something to be who it wants to be or to do what it desires to do. Tell your child that it is enough to be itself and that it needs to grow to become what it wants. You can advise your child to practice or train something what he wants to be.
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