Psychologists Explain How to Stay Calm in an Argument

Every person at some point in life experiences some kind of conflict and even the calmest and the coolest person will experience certain degree of agitation and turmoil when a conflict occurs. Not many people can control their emotions and feelings when such issue happens, but there are methods which can help you how to control your emotions and feelings.

6 ways HOW to remain calm in an argument


In an argument situation, focus on any physical sensation that comes from the conflict itself therefore allowing your body to mindfully change it. Once you are concentrated on the body, you can feel the shallow breathing and the accompanied tension, immediately change it to deep breathing in order to relax the body.

The technique: So, when the body experiences tension, return your body posture to a neutral state by relaxing your shoulders and hands. This open position portrays positivity using body language by which the conflict is being ceased.


When you are in a conflicting situation the body has difficulties in staying calm and relaxed. But there are techniques that can help you with this issue. You need to stop the shallow breathing which is the immediate body response when dealing with stress. You need to start deep breathing so that you can help your body to stay calm and relaxed.

The technique: First you need to inhale deeply through the nose and then slowly exhale through the mouth. Deep and smooth breaths will stop the production adrenaline and cortisol which are stress hormones.


People start arguing when they have the feeling that they are not being heard. But, instead of immediately participating in the argument you need to be very attentive and active listening.

The technique: Once the person starts to talk you need to focus and give all the attention to the person talking. Discard all the present thoughts of creating a response. When the person finishes its arguing or speaking, you have acquired all the necessary information to respond wisely and intelligently.


An argument will escalate if you raise your voice, and on the other hand if you lower your voice then the conflict will be stopped. The volume of your voice is associated to blood pressure, and when it reaches a certain point, understanding the person who you are arguing with becomes very difficult.

The technique: First of all you need to soothe the initial anger of the other person, and this cannot be achieved if you are raising your voice. You will calm your counterpart if you remain calm; therefore consciously lower your voice.


Open-ended questions are very valuable when having arguments since they mean that you are attentively listening to your counterpart. Moreover, these types of questions display respect for the person involved in the argument by letting it to clearly articulate its thoughts.

The technique: However, learning the technique of open-ended questions is a little bit difficult for some people. How to avoid asking “Yes” or “No” questions is never to use the words “Did,” “Didn’t” “Do, and “Don’t,” when asking a question. Replace these words with the question words like “Why,” “What,” “When,” and “How.” By asking questions with these words you are making a big difference in the argument.


Every conflict does not have pleasant ending with agreeable results for both sides. But, even though the conflict still remains you should not deepen it and make it worse than before. You should politely disengage from the ongoing conversation.

The technique: In every conflict where there are two participants you need to know when is the right time to exclude yourself from it. Excluding yourself from an argument is only when these circumstances appear:

  1. The other person becomes increasingly hostile.
  2. No matter how big your efforts are to solve the situation; the conversation is not going anywhere.

Conclusively, you need be aware that at some point of the argument you will inevitably become angry unless you are self-awareness guru. It is a normal human reaction, which you can turn it into your advantage rather than disadvantage.  It is crucial to know how to forgive yourself if you succumb to the angry feelings or act in an inappropriate manner. All of us experience this and we all fail and the person who states otherwise is a fool, a liar, or both.

These six tips will be extremely helpful in conflicting situations; even the use of one or two tips will be highly valuable for you. As a result of their use you will manage to control your emotions which will bring great benefit for you like gaining the trust and confidence in people.