When You Lose Your Mom, a Part of Your Soul Goes with Her

Motherhood is the best thing that can happen to a woman and every mother knows this as that is the first time in life when you experience absolute unconditional love. In that period of time you reflect on all the amazing things that your mother has done for you. You know that she is the person that will always offer comfort and be there for you no matter what, and once we lose her we know that there is no one that can fulfill that place and we experience the void till the day we die.

A mother’s love

There are many stories showing us the determination of a mother when her child is hurt or in pain. The most suitable would be the story of the pelican bird that has been retold in Christianity as an analogy for the love of the Savior, but it can also apply to the powerful love of a mother towards her children.

Here it is how it goes: the pelican bird lays a brood of chicks that eventually grow, but become hungry, violent, and unappreciative of her care. They become so violent that peck her eyes out and when she wants to punishes them she strikes one or two of her chicks dead. She immediately regrets it and with her beak she pierces her breast open and bleeds out. She did it not because of guilt, but only to feed her chicks so that they can thrive on her blood and flesh for the next weeks. Her sacrifice will make them strong enough to provide for themselves.

The mother’s love is endless, always willing to sacrifice her own life for the benefits of her children. Motherhood changes you for good, nothing is the same as before and the previous life priorities are now even meaningless. Having your own family is always toughest on the mothers, starting from childbirth, then the nursery, the sleepless nights, the nurture in the child’s first years of life, and so on. Toddlers and even older children may not even be aware of it and have at some point tantrums so that the mother is forced to be hard on them at those particular moments, but there is nothing in the world that she would not do for her children. She would not eat only for her children to have enough food, and probably work three jobs to provide for them.

A mother’s influence

Every child needs mother’s attention and love and its presence makes them better persons. The unconditional love that a mother can offer is irreplaceable in life and even though children may not be aware of it when they are young, they for sure feel it. There may be periods in life when children are rebellious like in their teenage periods believing that their parents cannot understand them or even dislike them, but deep inside of them they know that their mother will be always there for them.

In adulthood, children are well aware of the incredible unconditional love that only a mother can offer and start to appreciate her a lot. In this period of life they know that they can always turn to their mothers when feeling emotionally weak or distressed.

It goes without saying that the impact a mother can have on a child is beyond any measure and as well as its absence. According to a recently performed study parental love and care or lack of it has physiological effects on children in positive and negative sense.

In this study were monitored the brains of two three-year-old children by neurologists. The children differed only in the environment they were growing up, the first one had all the love and care of his parents, and the second one was neglected. The scans of their brains showed such a difference in development that was even unbelievable, the child with loving parents had a visibly larger brain with fewer dark spots and areas that could be lesions (abnormal tissues) caused by injury or disease. The neglected child was with a smaller brain with several, large dark spots, marred by dark areas too. The doctors’ prognosis was that the child with the smaller brain is more likely to develop mental disorders and severe health issues in its lifetime.

Furthermore, the main reason for low academic performance in children is neglect as several brain genes that are accountable for intelligence in such environment cannot function accordingly. A child that receives proper care and love from its parents it is most likely to do better than the one sent to bed with yelling by alcohol or drug-driven parents.

The mother-child relationship strongly affects the emotional development of the child and her presence in the child’s life represents a strong emotional base in its life.

Broken Heart Syndrome

When your loving mother passes away her absence creates such big void in your heart that it could be manifested by physical distress. Everything virtually stops, and the pain is so deep in your heart that it is referred as to Broken Heart Syndrome.

Jisha Joseph lost her mother and she explained how she felt on that particular day. She wrote on Shared.com.:

The day I lost my mother is one I will never forget. I remember each and every moment of that day with such clarity that I couldn’t erase it from my memory even if I tried. From the grey forlorn sky to the leaves of her favorite lilies sagging from the weight of the downpour the previous night, it was as though the earth itself was mourning her departure. And why wouldn’t it, she was such a phenomenal woman who spread joy and comfort to all those who crossed her path,” 

The feeling of distress that you will feel at the day when your mother dies has nothing to do with whether you are strong person or not. The void in your life will be so immense that you cannot even prepare yourself for that even beforehand. You will feel like a major part of you is gone forever, especially if she was a devoted and loving mother willing to sacrifice herself for you anytime. As a result of that many people cannot overcome their mother’s death till the day they die, the pain gets dull over time, but it never leaves you.

Jisha continued:

She was there for me through every single one of my heartbreaks. She was there to bake a cake for me when I won my first painting contest in school. She was there to patiently comfort me as I freaked out about finding that perfect dress for prom. She was there at all odd hours of the night even after I moved away for work when I’d call her to complain about how unreasonable my boss was being. She was there for it all. Until now.” 

If your mother is well and still alive you will need her every day in your life. She is the one that will lead you to your motherhood and her advices are invaluable for you. Many young mothers admitted that they would not have been able to successfully cope in the early motherhood if their mother was not there for them.

Once she is gone the questions that will pop up in your mind would be like these:

Who do I go to now when I’m having a bad day? Whose gentle voice will remind me not to dwell on what I’ve lost and instead be grateful for what I have? Whose lap do I rest my head on when it all becomes a bit too much? Whose shoulder do I cry on when the lilies in the restaurant remind me of her? To whom do I confess my regrets of not having done enough for her? I’m haunted by the thought that I never really let her know how integral a part of my life she was. Did she know she means the world to me? Did she know I’d be so utterly lost without her?”

These questions will come to you over and over again wishing her to be here with you and offer you that warm and loving hug or comforting word. But, she is not there and you need to find a way to cope with the current situation, the pain and grief may overwhelm you and there will be always a moment in life when you will say, now I need her, but you need to find that inner strength in you and move on.

She passed away peacefully in her sleep with the hint of a smile on her face. I’ve often wondered about the secret behind that smile. Was she dreaming about something? Or was she greeted by someone or something on the other side waiting to take her to the beyond? Whichever it was, I’m glad there was some joy in her final moments. She deserved all that’s good in the world. She’d seen enough pain in her life.”

Your mother was the integral part of you and with her death a large part of your soul and heart got broken, but remember that she would never fully rest in peace until you find some peace within yourself. Even if she is gone she needs to be at peace that her children will be fine after she is gone, and in such moments make sure to surround yourself with the people who love you. Although you are experiencing great grief try not to be consumed by it, let it out and grief your mother, but have in mind that she is not gone forever, she is inside of you, she is you, and you will always have all the loving memories and great love from her.